Friday, Mar 19, 2010
[Deep in the heart of Redmond, WA] Hello, Foot? You're looking well today. I see you're wearing the nice new Windows Phone 7 Series shoe we designed for you. It looks very nice. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but we're going to have to shoot you. Don't sound so surprised, you knew we couldn't make a forward-thinking product without making it too forward thinking, right? We want to put our best foot forward, and that's you. You're a step ahead of Windows Mobile 6.5, and when you're forging into new territory you can't waste time dwelling on the past. We all understand that Windows Mobile had several chances to win more people over to it, but now that we've moved on we need to start with a clean slate. And yes, that means we're going to have to shoot ourselves in the foot. In you. You're all about fresh thinking, Foot. Your clean Segoe UI font says loud and clear: "I'm not a phone, I'm an experience." Where Windows Mobile 6.5 was hampered by information density and static screens, you're fluid. You're lush and colorful and everything these kids want nowadays. You can tweet and ping and 'book and Bing like nobody's business. Because you're not about business. You're about the fun. And what fun kids don't want is copying and pasting. That's what their parents did. Folks today think and write in 140 characters or less, Foot, and the closest they come to copying is hitting the re-tweet button. Copying is so unoriginal. So we're leaving it out of you. No, more than that. It's not like we're just skimping on ingredients. We're excising it, like decaffeinating coffee. We're carving copy and paste functionality right out of your being, foot. We're doing it with a bullet. The bullet we're going to shoot. In you. Foot. Seriously though, don't worry about it. You're designed for fun and style. You're the party phone to make iPhone people jealous because you're Tufte-er than thou. Don't worry if things like Word documents and spreadsheets feel as foreign to your style as Ashton Kutcher itemizing his deductions. He has people for that, and anyone boring enough to need to do stuff like quote an email or copy a URL has tools for that too. They can wait until they get to a desktop computer, or they can use the phone their work issued them. Heck, they've probably got our other foot running WinMo 6.5 in their other pocket, so we're all good. The idea that people need one device that will do everything hasn't played out. We tried stuffing everything into 6.5 and people told us they want less. They want iPhones and Prëi and we're listening, so forget about copying and pasting. Nobody really uses that stuff, and if they do, well, they should get a Windows Tablet. It does everything you don't, if people want that kind of thing. Oh, while we're on the subject, that iPhone App Store we hate? We don't hate it anymore. We love it. We think it's great. Except their app review process is too draconian and mercurial. So we're going to do that, but we're not going to be draconian or mercurial. We'll only reject bad apps, and if we do we'll tell you why, unless we find out that we're only helping bad app makers learn how to get bad apps through the approval process. But it's okay, there will be a committee to stop that from happening, if it starts to happen, which it won't. But seriously, foot, you look hot in that Windows Phone 7 Series shoe. Nobody's going to be copying you any time soon, because we're not going to let them. Oh, by the way, have you seen baby Pink around? I can't seem to find her after leaving her soaking in that bathwater...
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Hi, I'm Kevin Fox.
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