I love the Capitol Corridor Amtrak train conductor. Southwest flight attendants have nothing on this guy.

This morning's P.A. soliloquy as we're pulling out of Jack London Square:

"So we've got a couple things in the lost and found bin this morning. We have a cellphone, so if you lost yours, come on up to the conductor so you can talk to your friends again. We've also got a... actually we've got two books. The first one has a monthly pass in it and the other is 'Dating for Dummies.' If either one's yours, come on up. (pause) 'Dating for Dummies'? Now I want to ask all of you, say you meet someone and you go home with them, and on their coffee table you see a copy of 'Dating for Dummies.' You should really just bolt.

"Now I'm a big fan of the Dummies books. I have a bunch of them at home: 'Crash Testing for Dummies,' 'Astrophysics for Dummies.' Heck, I even wrote one myself: 'Train Conducting for Dummies.' Actually, you don't have to be a dummy to do this job; you have to be insane. Anyhow, go to Amazon and buy it. Help me out, 'k?"

Wow, he's like a kindred spirit, only he has a captive audience and a hole punch.

The only thing I can think to add to this is that maybe the owner of the book did meet someone on the train, and wanted to ditch the evidence before they brought that person home.