Q: When are two legs not better than one?
A: When the legs are flights, and the first one's late.

At this very moment it's 7:53pm Central Time, and I'm 37 minutes outside of Chicago O'Hare as the United 757 flies. Our anticipated arrival time (revised, refined, and reported to us by our trusty Captain Orloff), is 8:30pm, and my connecting flight to Pittsburgh International departs at 8:50pm.

That doesn't sound too bad, does it? Well just wait 'till we apply airline time distortion and see where we are. 'Arrival time' is defined as the moment that tires hit tarmac. It's another ten minutes before the plane finishes rolling to the gate, and another two before the gangway is opened. I'm in row 26 of a front-vacating aircraft. Even if everyone's nice and waits for those with connecting flights to get off first (which is fully half of us) this will be at least another 4 minutes. Time that I emerge from the gate: 8:46pm. Now, if you've ever been to O'Hare before, you'll understand what it means when I say that we're arriving in Terminal B, and my next flight is in Terminal C. If you're a Chicago native or frequent United flyer, you might gain further insight from knowing that I get in at B-14, and leave from C-3. (For those not in the loop (ugh, Chicago pun!) Terminals B and C are very long, parallel terminals connected at their midpoints by a half-mile underground walk/slideway, and while gate B-14 is about midway between the connector and the end, gate C-3 is smack on the far tip of Terminal C. Total distance to run-walk-run-wheeze-walk-jog: about a mile. Time to complete said sprint: 4 minutes.

Though I do have needing-to-pee going for me, I don't think I can break a four-minute mile, in an airport terminal, with a 12 pound backpack.

Oh yeah, and don't forget the last bit of airline math, which is that the 'departure time' is the time that the plane pulls away from the gate. They close the door of the plane 3 minutes before this (How I know this is a story dealing with a raging freshman dorm party, a last-minute airport switch, and an airport rush that but for that fact I would have been very proud of. But that's a tale for another time).

So now I have one minute.

Oh, the Captain just came on again. She let us know that we're still on (revised) schedule for our landing at 8:30 or 8:35. Ugh.

So now I'm hoping that lightning strikes twice and my connecting flight will be at least a few minutes late. Of course I can't be certain until I show up at the gate, which means that despite the slim chances, I have to give it the old new college try.

Now, of course, to better convey the suspense I feel right now, I'm going to post this story as-is. at this moment I don't know what the outcome will be, and so neither should you. ;-D